BAN THIS FILTH!

I’m a gamer.  I game.  I’ve been gaming for years.  Decades in fact.  I used to just think of it as a hobby – something I did in my spare time.  The harsh truth of the matter is that I am actually a lazy wanker and gaming is my daily escapism from the stressful phenomenon we call real life.  Once I turn that console on and start “dishing teh pwn cakez” on call of duty, all the stress and hassle of  real life just melts away.  And i’m addicted to that.  Its OK though, I’ve come to terms with this truth, i’m fine with it, and I can move on.  Now that i’m no longer in denial, I thought everything was OK again.

I used to think gaming was OK

I used to think gaming was OK

My most recent large scale “lazy wanker escapism” has been to run away to the virtual world of minecraft.  I spend hours digging away in caves, minding my own business, perfectly happy and relaxed in this blocky utopia.  That was all up until recently, when my eyes were opened to reality under the surface.  Thanks to recent articles of pure journalistic insightful zealousness (JIZ) I’ve been informed about the staggering levels of violence, racism and sexism that exist in this shady industry.  Articles from feminist frequency and major gaming sites, are soo deep and soo profound that you can almost taste the JIZ.  When the JIZ hits you soo hard between the eyes like this, you can’t help but be awoken by it.

Armed and empowered by a healthy dose of JIZ, I started to look at minecraft in a completely different light.  First look at the character you play as by default.  Steve.  Steve the MAN.  Not a woman, A MAN!  Don’t try and tell me that was some freak accident, i’m not willing to entertain that for a second.  THAT WAS DONE BY DESIGN.  When you start up a new game of minecraft you will be forced into a MANS body.  This is clearly the work of egotistic male dominance.  Its sick, but it gets worse…..it gets much, much worse.  Hit F5 a couple of times and take a look at Steve the MAN.  What colour is Steve?  Yup, you guessed it, Steve (the man) is white!  Clearly not happy with just blatant sexism, Notch had to toss racism into the mix as well.  Any black people playing the game will be forced to play it through the eyes of a white man.  Its like the slave trade all over again.  Talking of slaves, who are the only ENEMIES in the game that you see lugging heavy blocks around?  The BLACK endermen.  You sick Swedish spaz hole.

A sword, or a phallic tool used to beat black females to death with?

A sword, or a phallic tool used to beat black females to death with?

Its not long before this snowball of realisation, rolling down “moral mountain” turns into a full scale avalanche.  What colour do you think the evil end boss is, that our brave white male Steve sets out to vanquish?  Yeah, by now I don’t even need to say it, you’ve guessed already.  Black!  Once again though, that’s not enough for Notch. Ooooh no, not in the slightest.  Notch isn’t happy until he’s double tapped political correctness in the head.  Upon killing the evil boss and ridding the world from its blackness, all that is left is its egg.  Yes, its egg.  You know what that means don’t you?  The evil black end boss that need to be killed by our brave, white male hero IS FEMALE.  The staggering truth that is festering beneath the surface of this seemingly innocent video game is disgusting.

To anyone that reads this and has received the gift of my JIZ, I ask you to do the only thing that is morally plausible in this situation. BAN THIS FILTH.  Visit the minecraft.net website and take a look at that purchase counter.  Each time that number spins around its another win for racism and sexism.  Shame on you Mojang.  SHAME…ON….YOU!  The next time you play a video game, take a second to analyse what is going on behind the scenes.  Read between the lines, read under the lines, fuck it, make the lines up if you have to, its all for the greater good.  Luckily, we are not alone.  Rivers of JIZ on this subject are flowing from the mouths of game journalists, the NRA (World leaders of anti-violence and pacifist behaviour) and even peoples mums.  Working together we can bring an end to this dark seedy industry and ban video games forever.  Moaning about this shit is the first step on the slippery slope to a safer, censored tomorrow.